But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you though. I remember everyone that leaves.

Athazagoraphobia. Definitions include: the fear of being forgotten, the fear of being ignored, and the fear of nobody caring about you. It seems like such a stupid phobia, doesn't it? But it isn't stupid to the people who actually fear it.

People always leave. People always forget. 

And every time, it always hurts. Letting someone in, letting someone go. Maybe we're masochistic. We try to confront our fears and prove that it's stupid to fear what we fear, but get the same result every time. Every time it hurts just as much as the time before. To be honest, it probably hurts more each time. Because every time someone leaves that's another memory to remember. And remembering gets easier every time. Remembering when you exactly became friends, remembering exactly what was said in a trivial conversation, remembering...every excruciating promise to not be like the people who made you as jaded as you are. The more you remember, the more it hurts. But you fake a smile, and move on with your day. No one wants to see you cry...that makes for awkward silence while you sniffle, and uncomfortable hugging while they try to make their excuses to get on their way. Because they don't have those fears you have. They don't worry about whether people are gonna leave them or not...they're usually the ones that leave anyhow. They use you because there isn't anyone else better around at the moment. Tell you all the things you want to hear...I promise things won't change, we'll always be friends, I'M YOUR REAL FRIEND. The moment someone better comes along though, you better hope you like being alone. Because that's what happens. Sure plans are made when you go home, but that's with you instigating them, and then something always happens to come up. So there is always next break to get together. And then the next, and then the next, and the the next until there are no more breaks. Then it's time to give up.

Succumb to your fears until you meet something, someone that can help you move past them. If you're lucky you'll meet those people before you meet up with the Big Man Upstairs.

Not all of us are. But for others...the future looks promising. So long as those daggum insecurities don't blotch up the whole thing because that's what usually ends up happening when something good finally comes along.

Good things are scared off by your jadedness and insecurities, and then you're back at square one. Trying so hard to find someone, anyone that cares about you as much as you care about them. Hoping that they'll be the one to squash your fears and kick the boogy-man out from underneath the bed and the monsters from the closet.